I can has talent.

Seriously, I'm talented. I mean, how many people do you know who can get eyeliner on their eye without even meaning to? I know, right? That's fucking talent, there. I'm thinking that maybe next time, I'll do it on purpose.*

*except not, because it's actually kind of really uncomfortable.

Stuff

It's actually pretty nice to be home. I mean, I miss my Champlain people a wicked lot, but it's just really relaxing here. It's nice not to have to do anything. So, I've just been hanging out and writing. I actually got on a wicked roll last night and wrote about seven pages in two hours. (Okay, for most people that might be slow, but I'm special and for me, that's fast :p) I'm not saying what it's about yet, though... not yet.
Anyway, I feel like I should actually post something of substance. Sooo I'll post a poem I wrote a while (and by 'while,' I mean like months... it's actually kinda wicked old. From, like, last April or something) ago...

The Sun

The Sun sees a lot during the day,
when he’s on top and gleaming
white fire, when he’s the one with power

(except for when the clouds try to cover him with their smoke.
Oh my God, he often thought,
he doesn’t consider himself particularly violent, but he’d kill them if he could.)

When everything is bright, he
sees people moving
quickly
slowly
laughing
silent
talking
lying.
It’s interesting, but so
busy.
And, really, he’s busy, too,
trying to keep the warm places warm and the cold places cold.

When he starts to fall,
he can lean back and
watch
his little world as
vibrant pink and sherbet ribbons chase away the blue of the sky.
He can watch people be people,
running in the forests of the grass
making footprints in the sand like glaciers
laughing
joking
dancing
sitting
eating
watching him right back.

It's Christmas! :D (and I should become a crack dealer)

Except not really!!! But at Feeley, we're doing all of our presents tonight, so it's like Christmas. Toes.

It's really pretty- my mom gave me a little fake christmas tree for the dorm, so we (well, I) have it all decorated for Christmas, and we have a ton of presents under them. I mean, half of them are for our families, but it looks wicked pretty. I'm so stoked for tonight. The things I bought are pretty small, but over break I'm going to knit them all scarves and such, so it'll be more then. AAANND I'm excited :)

Flying

(This is probably not that good, since I don't tend to be that good at poems, but yeah.)

The first time she
flew she didn’t know it. She thought she was
asleep and she wasn’t but she thought she was and
sometimes
that’s all you need. So, she
flew
flew out the window without
bothering to open it. The world was foggy
dark but she could still make out the tiny
yellow flower dots on the ground and she
fell she
landed in the daytime.
There was a boy and he started walking to her through the dew and sun
but then everything
stopped and she was alone and
couldn’t tell that she wasn’t lost.

The second time she flew she didn’t fly and
wasn’t asleep.
She was in the kitchen, putting apples and cheddar together when the
wooden door knocked and it was the
boy and he stood there, and she didn’t
wake up. His mouth opened but there wasn’t anything to say.
She held her apple and
watched as he watched her, and as he
walked away.

The third time she flew, it was a
wish. She sat at the white table in the
white room, filling out taxes or paying bills or
applying to a job so that she could do those things, and she
thought, no, I want a
castle and
the fountain of youth and to
fly. So she shut her eyes and in her mind
she did. Behind her eyes she saw
herself, dancing like a ripple above the blue
grey ocean, salt spray rushing through her, not
touching her, and she wanted to go there. She got
up and pushed the white chair under the
white table and stepped outside. She
stretched her arms out in the sun and she
felt the gold all around her and she thought she
saw the boy but then
he was nowhere, and she wondered if people could
think themselves invisible.

When she went to bed that night, she said,
tomorrow I’ll fly, and find the boy or a
castle, and I’ll stay there
forever. It will be
Beautiful. But when she woke into her dream,
she didn’t know. She didn’t know
why there was smoke everywhere or
why unrecognizable expressions didn’t
recognize, or maybe even see
her sitting in the middle of the crowded grey road and holding
clutching to herself and then there was the
boy and he said, do you want to be a
cloud? And she said,
yes.

"fml lol"

So, apparently, there are only 50 or so fiction writers in the US who are able to make a living off their writing. It's probably bad, but I find this (the fact that I'm never going to have any money, ever) extremely funny.

Rainy Day

The rain's really nice when you're not forced to be outside (or productive.) It's cozy. I mean, I get to just sit on my bed, surrounded by homework (which I'm toes not doing... I mean, what's cozy and happy about working? Nothing.) and listen to the rain. I'm thinking of maybe watching a movie until Velvet gets here, but I might not even do that. Right now, the beauty of the rain's enough.

There's a tiny porch with a roof right under the windows in front of me, so I get to hear the rain drops landing and bouncing especially loudly. If I got up and opened the window shades, I could even see it, but I'm feeling too lazy. Today's an extremely lazy day. It's kind of spectacular.

I love the way the cars sound, as they splash past in the wet. They almost sound like thunder, but you know there's life inside. It's a moody feeling, but somehow extremely content. I love being in cars during rain storms. There's something incredible about being safe and dry and warm, while only inches away from you, everything is freezing and wet, especially when you can see it all, falling on the cold glass above you. When you're in the car, and you pass by soaking trees and houses with lights on, and you are so comfortable that you might as well be in bed with a million blankets over you, everything feels perfect. Especially when it's, as it is now, just starting to get dark. Later, you'll have to get out of the warmth and into the rain, running and laughing with your keys to the front door, but you don't think about that now. You just think about how content you are with how you are in the world. And maybe about making some hot chocolate.

Tapes n' Butter

I've been a really bad blogger lately. Sorry about that. I've been wicked busy, what with going to Meg's house, Halloween festivities, other festivities, and too much homework.

It was all kind of awesome (except for the homework) (and certain other things).

Did you know that in Lyndonville, Vermont, you can still buy VHS tapes? I mean, I haven't seen those for sale since like 1990. Basically. Oh, and they also sell butter shaped like turkey. It's pretty legit.

What is it with this year??

I mean, so many people have died. There have been kids our age, and random celebrities. But it just hasn't stopped.

A kid in our grade died last night. I didn't really know him, but he was in my core classes. I was in class with him the day he died. That is so freaky to me. It's never happened before. I mean, I've never seen anyone hours before they died. And people our age aren't supposed to die. And he had just turned 21. I mean, how awful is that? You're finally really free, and you die. That's so not supposed to happen.

just another self indulgent post

For my creative nonfiction class, we're supposed to write memoirs. Not really long ones- just about 5000 words. (Okay; for any other paper, that's long, but it really isn't when you talk about your whole life.) It's kind of fun. It's making me really nostalgic, too. Nostalgia's really weird. I mean, I know that technically the 90s weren't perfect in every way (just in most ways,) but that doesn't stop me from feeling that they were.

The 90s honestly were the best decade of my life. I was almost always happy. Then 2000 came and literally everything changed. I mean, my life's great now, but for a long time it wasn't. But that's not the part of my life I feel like talking about.

The 90s. It's kind of weird... they actually had a lot of really ugly clothes, especially back in the beginning of the decade (um, shoulder pads??) but whenever I see old pictures from back then, I miss it. Even the ugly clothes. And of course, there were also the undeniably amazing things. There was Toy Story, Hey Arnold, Rugrats, Kablam, Game Boy Color, Face, Beanie Babies, Furbies (well, that's one's debatable, but I thought it was pretty awesome. I had a pink baby Furbie. It died the tragic death of being thrown down the stairs.) There were pizza lunchables, frozen gogurt, those weird plastic juice bottles you got at lunch that you could put pills in the make the juice change color, baby bottle pops, the Macarena, see-saws and merry-go-rounds actually being at playgrounds, those weird curly shoelaces (that my parents never got me...) and way too many other things.


I remember one time at Meghan's house, we (I think Tanya was there, too?) were sort of messing with a swan and it chased us. And then there was the year when all of our parents got treadmills and we got to play with the enormous boxes. We'd get in them, turn them up, and then tip them over. Lame, maybe, but wicked fun, too.

Tanya was the first one of us to have a computer, and she had the most games. One of them was a Barbie game where you designed outfits. We always made the ugliest ones we could, and then we'd print them out into what we considered our magazine, Idiocy Inc. My brother helped name it. And then there was the American Girl one. in that computer game, you positioned the girls and other characters and props and made plays. There was a male voice for the male characters and a female one for the girls, but they both really sounded identical. They were both computer generated, worse than monotone, and couldn't sound out even the most common words correctly. Sometimes we'd make them say things like "hfsoddsjjkkaoaurrrghsk," just to hear them pronounce it, but usually we'd have them say the things that we, at about nine, thought were totally clever and risque. They weren't, particularly, but it was fun. <3

Orange M&Ms are really ugly

I'm at my work study job in the library, eating one of those barely-bigger than-funsize things of m&ms. I'm wicked tired because it's way too early for any sane person to be out of bed. Being tired makes you notice things you otherwise wouldn't (and not notice things you usually would, but that's obvious,) so as I'm eating the m&ms, one by one, I look down, and it's just like, orange m&ms are hideously unattractive. Especially next to the green ones- it's like aliens wearing those horrible neon hunting jackets. Those things don't suit anyone, but especially not anyone with lime green skin.


Also, the library now has a defibrillator. So, in case you ever need... defibrillating, you know where to go.

So... like, the dorm's haunted..

Like, really. I mean, I lived in Jensen freshman year and even though it's supposed to be, it totally isn't. They only thing that ever happened at Jensen was the fire door opening at two in the morning. That was annoying, but, I mean, that was the *only* thing to happen all year.

At Feeley, we've been here not even two months, and things have happened. For example, when the windows aren't locked, the sort of pop open. Every morning at 7:44 the TV in the common room turns on to that weird channel with the bars of colors going down it. It turns off just before 8. Also, we've had about a million things go missing, only to be found later in totally random places. We've lost and found a birth certificate, a wall hanging, big plastic water bottles, eye liner, keys, sun glasses, books, a camera, a silver purse filled with quarters, and a hat. And there have probably been other things I just can't remember. The point is that this basically only ever happens in Feeley. It never happened to me in Jensen, or at my house. It's the same for my roomies.

This might or might not have anything to do with a haunting, but there are five of us on the second floor. Well, out of the five of us, four of us have had out laptops break at least once in the past two months. And Rachell, who's the only one with a so far okay laptop, had her two-and-a-half year old truck break down.

So far, I've only mentioned what's happened in the common room and the triple. Rachell and Brittany live in the double, and they've had a lot of things happen there. They have had picture frames fly off the wall and they've heard whispering. One time, Brittany saw a girl standing in the closet. She looked like Rachell but, you know, wasn't.

O.O

Paranormal Activity= fucking scary movie. Seriously, it was terrifying. Katie is going to get us all. Also, I really want to play with the ouija board but the roomies won't let me. So I'll tell a story instead. This is pretty much how my mom told it to me, as far as I can remember.

When my mom was a kid (about thirteen, I think?), she and my Aunt Sue got out their ouija board, grabbed their cat and some candles, and went down to the basement. They lit the candles and sat around the board. They put their fingers on the stylus, and began.

"Is there a spirit in this room?" they asked.

After a few chilly moments, the stylus slowly moved to "yes."

They stared at it, neither one saying anything. Then, "Who are you?"

"C-O-N-A-N-D-R-E." (My mom figured that meant his name was Con Andre, but who knows? Maybe it was Conan Dre, or 'with Andre.' It's creepy, though.)

"Are you evil?"

"Yes,"

"Are you leaving?" they asked. Now they were afraid.

"Yes," it said. All at once, the candles blew out, the cat ran off, its fur standing on end, and they heard breaks squealing from the driveway.

Sometime later, my mom was standing by her mirror, brushing her hair. She looked away for a second, and when she looked back at her reflection, she saw a man sitting on her bed behind her. He was middle aged and wore an old suit and bowler hat. My mom turned around. The bed was empty. She ran out of the room.

This happened repeatedly, to herself and friends who sometimes slept over, until her family moved away. She thinks, though, that the man was Con Andre.

The only time anything ever happened to me when I played with a ouija board, it wasn't real. I was nine and at my friend Tanya's house. It was the glow in the dark kind, she'd only just got it and we were both wicked excited to play with it. We went down to her playroom in the basement, and turned off the lights. After that, I can't remember the exact events, but she made the ouija board say that it was Marilyn Monroe speaking, and she was gonna kill me. I was only nine- I had no idea who Marilyn Monroe even was, but I totally believed her. I think I was a bit hysterical; I was definitely freaking out. I mean, Marilyn Monroe was going to fucking kill me. It was terrifying. Of course now, it's just wicked funny. But watch it be true... if I ever just die, it was probably Marilyn Monroe, finally getting her revenge or whatever. That or it was Katie from Paranormal Activity. Both are quite likely, really. Or not. Whatevs.

<3

I caused a car crash

Well, not really. Or at all. I just thought it sounded, you know, catchier than 'I saw a car crash and some shit went down.'

Jess and I had to go to to Price Chopper to get some hummus (and her pay check)... did you know, by the way, that black bean hummus is kinda amazing? Because I didn't either, until like ten minutes ago. It's kinda spectacular. ANYWAY, we were coming back and it was wicked cold, wicked windy, and it was pouring rain. As we were crossing some cross walk, I fell. I got up and took maybe one step. I fell again. I basically started cracking up, because it was really entertaining in its patheticness. Well, as soon as I got to the sidewalk, my bag broke, and suddently there was chocolate and goldfish everywhere (luckily, the hummus was in the other bag). As I was picking it all up, joking about how that totally would happen to me, two cars slammed into each other, right where I'd been standing moments before. It actually wasn't a horrible crash and no one was hurt, so that was good. But it was just so ridiculous it was funny. And we basically didn't stop laughing until after we got to the dorm. It was, as Megan would say, epic.

I'm $411 poorer. It sucks.

The title kinda says it all. Except for why I lost such a horrible amount of money, which I suppose is a pretty important part. Well, my computer broke. The screen of it, at least. It sucks. Now not only can I not facebook at the dorm, but I can't do my homework there, and it's midterm season. I won't get my macbook back for a week. And I basically have no money.

But I have been having some fun lately. Likeeeeee going to the mall, taking pictures next to the shirtless dude in front of Abercrombie and Fitch and the Verizon people, walking downtown at midnight with a random posse of people behind us singing, shooting a movie, and various other more devious activities. And hanging out with the best roommates (Ryan included, since he's basically one of us) ever. Yeah, life's good. Except for the whole my-laptop-broke-and-now-I'm-even-poorer-than-before thing

Feeley!!

So, the blog I made like a month ago and then finally got around to try to use yesterday won't work.  So I have this one instead.  Exciting, I know.  Anyway, this is going to a really short and uninteresting post because I have to leave to go to a meeting with my adviser in like 10 minutes... I get to figure out what to do next semester with my classes and such.  Later today (maybe, last time it took me a month to get the motivation to try to post something,) I'll post about some of our shenanigans n shit.

The n shit's a Feeley joke, by the way.  Kinda hard to explain, but it's amazing.  Trust me.