I Woke Up Flapping My Arms

True story, actually.

I had the weirdest dream last night, though I really just remember the end of it.

I was walking along the beach with Michael Cera and some really, really British actor with brown hair who may or may not be a real person. (Also, the British actor earlier told me that the Christmas Tree Shops that do the best are the ones with the most books. Pretty sure that's not true, but that's actually the only part of the dream I remember that wasn't at the very end.)

We kept walking farther and farther along the beach, talking about something I can't remember. I started to walk through a tide pool, when the little shrimp swimming in it rose out of the water and started to fly. Oh, holy shit. They began flying all around me, buzzing and buzzing. I freaked out, of course, and waved my arms around like a crazy person terrified of being bitten. Which I was still doing when I woke up. It was pretty awkward. And really terrifying, actually. I don't do bugs. Nor little fish turned into bugs. Especially not them.

It was wicked sketch.

Dreams and Sleep and Stuff and also I really hope I'm not pyschic

I mostly don't sleep like a normal person. Most people go to sleep, stay asleep, and finally wake up with their alarm clock. I wake up about 80 times, usually. Which I don't mind. It makes my nights of spacing out under warm covers last longer.

The other night, though, I didn't wake up at all until 11:00, with the screaming of my alarm clock. And I was really confused. For a good minute, I just sat on my bed, light pouring in through the window shades and my alarm clock still blaring (luckily, the roommates weren't there), trying to figure out where I was (I didn't recognize my own bedroom? Yeah, I don't know, either) and what was going on. It was sketch, dood.

Then, last night, I dreamt that I was in an airport, about to go to Ireland, and I was totally positive that the plane was going to crash and we were all going to die*. I was kind of freaking out. I even thought about tossing away my plane ticket and hopping a boat to Europe. After a little while of just worrying and worrying and panicking and panicking, I finally just asked this dude who worked at the airport how common plane crashes were, hoping that he'd say something about them never ever happening ever. Well, that wasn't what happened. Nope, he was all like, "yeah, actually, we had one yesterday. Their bodies are still on the runway! lol!" And I was like, "what the fuck, dream?!"

*Actually, it was my second, "oh holy shit the plane to Ireland is totally gonna blow up or something and I'm gonna die," dream in a month. It's awkward.

Why You Should Get a Good Night's Sleep

I've been a really awful blogger lately! This semester has just been amazingly crazy. Anyway, though, I have a story. Sort of.

So, I went to bed early last night because I had to finish/write an essay in the morning because I didn't feel like working on it then. Well, as soon as I got into bed, the boys who live upstairs decided to have a birthday party, complete with singing (screaming at the top of their lungs) and what sounded like jumping jacks. Right above my bed. I'm actually amazed the roof didn't collapse. This went on until about four in the morning, when some of them left. And as they left, they made sure to jump on each stair so that my floor would be sure to hear it all.

My alarm went off an hour later. Somehow, even though I'd only had an hour (maybe two, tops) of sleep, I managed to dream. I can't remember my whole dream, but it had to do with a giant (by giant, I mean as tall as a two story house) bottle of orange soda about to explode. And, you see, I had to get away from it because this had happened before and a girl was killed. By orange soda. Oh, and in the dream I had a bunch of essays I hadn't written yet that I was stressing about. Well, that bit's realistic, I guess.

The weirdest part of it all, though, is what happened when I was actually awake. Because as I sat in my bed, trying to make myself get out of it, I saw one of my roommate's towel, hanging by the bed post. For a good moment, I just sat there, wondering whether it really was a towel, or if it was some creepy troll that would lunge at me and kill me if I got up. Not my proudest moment. In my defense, though, I did eventually come to the conclusion that it was a harmless towel, and I did finish my essay in time.

But I'm never getting up at such an inhuman hour as 5 am again. Maybe.

Lava Lamps are Made of Wax

True Story.

Anyhoo, my beautiful roomie Maggan got a dream dictionary for Christmas. But this isn't just any dream dictionary- it's a racist, offensive dream dictionary. Or, at least, a few of the entries are. So in the spirit of amusement, I'm going to post some of the 'best' ones. Oh, and some of them I'll just posting because they're ridiculous. I mean, some of the entries make no sense, but they aren't all awful.

"Alien: Meeting aliens predicts important changes. See yourself as an alien and valuable friends are about to enter into your life." I dunno, I just can't get the image of little green aliens out of my head...

"Anteater: Bankruptcy could be in the cards if you see an anteater." Oh, well, obviously.

"Barmaid: She relates to your sex life. She's telling you to be a bit more choosey about your partners!" You whore, you.

"Barnacles: These are a sign that you will have a comfortable old age." 'Cause Barnacles are so comfy.

"Beheading: If you are beheaded, success will be yours." Yeah, dude. All that head ever did is hold you back!

"Boy: See an alter boy, and it's a warning to stop being so flighty!" I don't even need to say anything about this one, do I?

"Carcass: A sign of prosperity." But only if you're Bear Grylls.

"Drink: If you're single, a hangover is a warning against casual sex." No sex till marriage, kids, or you'll have another headache in your sleep. And get AIDS. And die.

"Family: To have a son in your dreams signifies success. If he's unmarried you have problems to face. Married, and you're in for some family worries." Wait... I thought this was supposed to be good? Unless there's a way to be neither married nor not married?

"Fish: Put on an act and problems will arise if you dream of jellyfish." Jellyfish are EVIL. Same with Bees.

"Food: Eat fat, and your love life will go well." Wait. Fat as in ice cream and mac n cheese, or... actual fat? Ew.

"Food: A highland Haggis spells money on the way if you eat it." Ach nay, Haggis.

"Food: Stop flirting if you dream of watercress." Watercress: the food of harlots. A.

"Foreign: An Arab is a warning to take care. You could be molested while on a trip." Yeah, this is the racist one. Also, oh shit.

"Foreign: See an Eskimo and money is going to be tight." ??

"Genitals: Dream of diseased sex organs and you've either been overdoing it or sleeping around. Try being a bit more faithful." Yeah. Fucking Whore. A.

"Hunchback: Pleasant news is about to arrive. Touch the hunchback and good luck is yours." Yeah! Hey, everyone; let's go touch the magic cripple!!!!!

"Insects: Bees symbolize hard work and success." No! Bees are EVIL!!! Just like jellyfish!

"Opium: You are mixing with a bad lot." Oh, shit. I always dream about doing opium... sorry, friends. Guess I can't hang out with you guys anymore.

"Rabies: Someone is trying to undermine you and it's probably a so-called friend." One of your friends (sorry, so-called friends) is trying to give you rabies. Sucks.

"Rape: Careless behavior could cost you your reputation. Think carefully or you are bound to disappoint people." .........

"Reading/Writing: Read a book, buy one or receive one and it's a hopeful omen." Okay, I actually do like this one. Books are awesome. Everybody, read. Toes. <3

"Relationships: If a man dreams of bigamy it can mean a loss of virility so go for a medical check-up." *Snicker*. Also, this sentence really needs some commas -.-

"Pirates: Pirates at sea and you will tempted to start an exciting new venture." Arrr, matey. Become a pirate. We have rum.

"Sounds: A lamb bleating says business will prosper. Hear a flock of them at it and your home life will be happy." Seriously, what can't sheep do? They're wicked awesome <3

"Unicorns: Not a good sign." LIES!!!

Oh, and there are way more entries, too. There's like a million. Awesome, horrible book. Amazing.

*for copyright stuffs, the quoted parts aren't mine, they're from The Illustrated Dream Dictionary by Russell Grant. Toes. <3