Sunday, January 17, 2010

Lava Lamps are Made of Wax

True Story.

Anyhoo, my beautiful roomie Maggan got a dream dictionary for Christmas. But this isn't just any dream dictionary- it's a racist, offensive dream dictionary. Or, at least, a few of the entries are. So in the spirit of amusement, I'm going to post some of the 'best' ones. Oh, and some of them I'll just posting because they're ridiculous. I mean, some of the entries make no sense, but they aren't all awful.

"Alien: Meeting aliens predicts important changes. See yourself as an alien and valuable friends are about to enter into your life." I dunno, I just can't get the image of little green aliens out of my head...

"Anteater: Bankruptcy could be in the cards if you see an anteater." Oh, well, obviously.

"Barmaid: She relates to your sex life. She's telling you to be a bit more choosey about your partners!" You whore, you.

"Barnacles: These are a sign that you will have a comfortable old age." 'Cause Barnacles are so comfy.

"Beheading: If you are beheaded, success will be yours." Yeah, dude. All that head ever did is hold you back!

"Boy: See an alter boy, and it's a warning to stop being so flighty!" I don't even need to say anything about this one, do I?

"Carcass: A sign of prosperity." But only if you're Bear Grylls.

"Drink: If you're single, a hangover is a warning against casual sex." No sex till marriage, kids, or you'll have another headache in your sleep. And get AIDS. And die.

"Family: To have a son in your dreams signifies success. If he's unmarried you have problems to face. Married, and you're in for some family worries." Wait... I thought this was supposed to be good? Unless there's a way to be neither married nor not married?

"Fish: Put on an act and problems will arise if you dream of jellyfish." Jellyfish are EVIL. Same with Bees.

"Food: Eat fat, and your love life will go well." Wait. Fat as in ice cream and mac n cheese, or... actual fat? Ew.

"Food: A highland Haggis spells money on the way if you eat it." Ach nay, Haggis.

"Food: Stop flirting if you dream of watercress." Watercress: the food of harlots. A.

"Foreign: An Arab is a warning to take care. You could be molested while on a trip." Yeah, this is the racist one. Also, oh shit.

"Foreign: See an Eskimo and money is going to be tight." ??

"Genitals: Dream of diseased sex organs and you've either been overdoing it or sleeping around. Try being a bit more faithful." Yeah. Fucking Whore. A.

"Hunchback: Pleasant news is about to arrive. Touch the hunchback and good luck is yours." Yeah! Hey, everyone; let's go touch the magic cripple!!!!!

"Insects: Bees symbolize hard work and success." No! Bees are EVIL!!! Just like jellyfish!

"Opium: You are mixing with a bad lot." Oh, shit. I always dream about doing opium... sorry, friends. Guess I can't hang out with you guys anymore.

"Rabies: Someone is trying to undermine you and it's probably a so-called friend." One of your friends (sorry, so-called friends) is trying to give you rabies. Sucks.

"Rape: Careless behavior could cost you your reputation. Think carefully or you are bound to disappoint people." .........

"Reading/Writing: Read a book, buy one or receive one and it's a hopeful omen." Okay, I actually do like this one. Books are awesome. Everybody, read. Toes. <3

"Relationships: If a man dreams of bigamy it can mean a loss of virility so go for a medical check-up." *Snicker*. Also, this sentence really needs some commas -.-

"Pirates: Pirates at sea and you will tempted to start an exciting new venture." Arrr, matey. Become a pirate. We have rum.

"Sounds: A lamb bleating says business will prosper. Hear a flock of them at it and your home life will be happy." Seriously, what can't sheep do? They're wicked awesome <3

"Unicorns: Not a good sign." LIES!!!

Oh, and there are way more entries, too. There's like a million. Awesome, horrible book. Amazing.

*for copyright stuffs, the quoted parts aren't mine, they're from The Illustrated Dream Dictionary by Russell Grant. Toes. <3


  1. Fucking love this, Ashley!!!!! Hahahahaha. Basically toes aesome!!!!! <3

  2. This is amazing!! I love you so much and I'm so happy to be back in B-town with you!!! :D