Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The Wall

Okay, guys, I actually need some help with this. I can't figure out what to do with the first stanza of this poem. Part of me just wants to get rid of it, but I'm worried that then the poem won't make any sense. Or maybe it would since its title is The Wall? So, basically, I want you to tell me what you think. But don't limit yourself to just talking about that. I want all the advice I can get.*


The bubblegum paint’s on top, pealed
away telephone wire lines-- remember, the same color as the ball--
(look how high it can go
up up up over the house
almost to the sun)

On the bottom, the scribbles
are almost gone.
Scraps of names and voices collect
ripped and faded waiting
to be puzzled back together before
they’re blown away. Hoping.
Floorboards are sad company.

The hydrangea wallpaper behind it all
is the one the most awake.
You can see it in the corner, by the bits of wrinkled
scratch marks. That tiny speck of yellow dimness splatter.
Soon, soon, it knows
it will be back to before.
Cerulean petals and glimmering in the flashes of
once again.


*Update: I got rid of the first stanza. I'll post it in the comment section, though, incase anyone else wants to see it or something.


  1. The last stanza is my favorite. The first sentence of the last stanza.

    I agree with you. The first stanza is so-so. You need to fill it out or drop it. The poem still makes sense without it.

    Lovely piece.

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  3. Thanks, Rachel!

    I ended up getting rid of the first stanza. I just decided that it felt like too much of an explanation, and didn't really add anything to anything.

    (oh, and for anyone who wants to see it for whatever reason, the first stanza:

    The walls started cracking
    years ago, layers of stories made, and they’ll disappear again,